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Goodbye Cruel World, This is The End. Hooray!

Goodbye cruel world. I say my farewell to a world, that I’d built in my mind, A Messier Universe, of Crappy Days.

I have been solely working on a long term comedy project for the last three months. Determined to get it finished, it was necessary to be cruel to myself by imposing various new methods to achieve my goal. Due to several aborted attempts from a mammoth task, I’ve been  at holed away writing in near complete isolation, with no television, self imposed internet bans, and just an array of music to get me through. One day back in July, I sat down, with the intention of writing it from scratch off the top of my head, without my usual meticulous pre-planning that had derailed previous efforts.

I’ve enjoyed every minute, even though it was punishing at times throughout, with bouts of Insomnia from caffeine fuelled writing benders, great writing days, many bad ones hampered by writers block and the subsequent lows, the emotional yo-yo of feeling like a comedy genius one moment, to self doubting myself to the point of settling on the fact I’m deluded talentless fuckwit, Though the jury may still be out on that, but It is finally beginning to seem worth it. Throw in the dark days of deep depression, and borderline insanity, my gruelling new regime has finally got me to the precipice of my own personal Everest.

I finally finished my ‘epic’ Comedy Screenplay first draft. Hooray!

Forgive my exuberance, as technically it’s not finished. After three months of refusing to read it through, so not to tinker, I was able to finally read it back. On reading it all however,  it ‘did’ fail to live up to my expectations. It’s not the massive pile of shit I though it would be.

After weeks of wondering, worry and critically self- doubting, I was braced for a severe disappointment, that would lead to my computer launched out of the window, and a meltdown.

As an intensely private individual, nobody except family and a couple of friends were aware of what I was working on with this project, and what it was about exactly. I have taken to WordPress to start a low key lacklustre gradual unveiling of what Messier Man – Crappy Days (which is still a working title) actually is about.

I had many ideas while writing, for other things, such as blogs for this ‘Stuology: The Blog’s Bollocks’ and short stories. At times I had to quell the urge to start them, which would have meant delaying work on my screenplay,

I’ll be posting blogs on Messier Man and other projects quite soon, as I will also be hoping for a little advice and feedback if possible, as so far I have worked entirely alone.  After several failed attempts over the past couple of years, side-lining the project in favour of stand up comedy, gag writing, other mini projects, and procrastinating the hell out of it, it’s a relief to get to the end, which is a major milestone.”

Thank you for taking the time to read, apologies for such a boring, humourless, post.I’ll leave you with a tip that helped me to get my epic, finally complete. “Don’t get it right, get it written.”

MILD WARNING: These two images are rushed together (so shit) visualisations, for my own benefit more than anything. Creating a little artwork,  that I happened to knock up in breaks from writing was a small reward for productive writing sessions. So apologies in advance.

ImageImage

These two images are rushed together (so shit) visualisations.

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Stuology: The Blog’s Bollocks Is Back for a Brief Bollocking.

Stuology: The Blogs Bollocks is back, and this time I’m back for a good ol’ bollocking.

Who’s providing the bollocking? Well me of course.

Who am I bollocking and Why ? Myself, as I deserve it.

Have I lost the plot? Possibly.

Why Are You Asking Questions To Yourself? Fuck knows as I’m an Idiot, maybe its because I’m a loner and my own best friend.

Can You Stop This Shit and Just Get on with It? Yes.

THE BLOGS BOLLOCKS IS BACK…

….Though I never really went away. I’ve been very busy writing, so subsequently  I had not been able to focus my attentions to blogging for quite a while, but after I had re-evaluated my priorities and undertaken a different method to writing I’m hoping to rectify this and have LOTS of blogs and updates in the near future. I have been writing a lot, and am      hoping to possibly write myself into a writing career in Comedy or even just dead end job as a  writer; as long as It’s writing I’ll be OK with that.

There are mitigating circumstances why I have not written for this blog, and plan to blog about some of these issues, and these are briefly:-

#1- Physical Health

I suffered a heart attack last year, due to Anxiety/Depression which subsequently added to my depression!  At 36 Years Old, with reasonable fitness until last couple of years. I wouldn’t mind but I’m not even fat or overweight (I make this point as in an online MUFC forum, without seeing what I looked like, someone made an amusing remark to me, they  said “I bet your a fat fuck!” haha) .  I’m worried that I can drop dead any minute. So, if I did, I’d rather leave some of my musings for loved ones to read aft my passing rather than a blog not touched in a while.

#2- Mental Health

Like I said above, the depression got worse, but over time I’ve rekindled my love in writing.

#3- Writing Comedy

I write jokes whenever I can, and have recently  been penning a Comedy Screenplay. The following blog will be describing this.

#4- Limited Internet Access

I used to get behind with the bills, so my internet has been cut off a number of times. The uncertainty of regular access means you don’t commit to blogs or social forums as much, as the knowledge that you will soon be cut off AGAIN has even more of a effect on my depression.

#5-  Life and Shit

Life  gets in the way doesn’t it, even when you are ostracised from society like me. When I do write too, I find myself wanting to post blogs on an epic scale that I have worked on for days. I still want to do that, but with little blogs about anything too.

SO WHY GET BACK INTO THE BLOG’S BOLLOCKS…

and What’s in it for myself, as the  writer,  but more importantly What’s in it for any (possible) reader?

The answer is Everything. I get to write a lot more, and the reader can be humoured, learn something about The Universe or just baffle at some of my Philosophies.

and this blog ‘finally ‘ gets some pieces on various topics other than comedy. Writing comedy at times can be hard, so I have found myself recently just  writing ‘something’ to keep the flow of the tap running. like to write about life when I don’t feel lik me I have a funny in my body that day (even though anatomically I have two)

I’ve had plans to write blogs about the biggest questions in life (Such as; The Meaning of Life, Are We Alone and Does God exist) as well as my Stu Taylor’s Guide to the Galaxy style blogs about The Universe, Astronomy, UFO’s and Aliens etc…)

I started this Stuology The Blog’s Bollocks during a very difficult stage in my life (that I blogged about, but I can’t read back to myself) and writing became harder afterwards . The problem I initially had was, without many followers on Word Press I just got annoyed as I wanted my work to be seen, as feedback is vital when you live alone. Though now, the lack of followers doesn’t bother me (in fact, it will help as I want to write a lot about my personal life) but my priorities have since changed. Writing my comedy screenplay has been tough and arduous but over July 2013 going into August, my work has seen my work-rate increased, and writers get told to ‘keep’ writing no matter what, so this IS the perfect platform to keep writing, as even if I just write some shitty piece that is a blog like THIS! Or one about my day, killing house flies wondering where all the fucking house spiders fucked off to, its not like many people will see it… is it? No, Stu. So the Official Stuology Blog is back on the scene blogging, because of lots of good reasons but mainly….

I WANT TO PUBLISH AS MUCH OF MY WORK AS I CAN….BEFORE I DIE.

(Written in haste without a poof read! The next blog will not be as shoddy, as it is about my Upcoming Comedy Project that I’ve been writing)

The Astronomer and the Lost Scriptures of Stuology. (Part One)


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Good Evening,  I am The Astronomer…

For the last eighteen months, I have been travelling over  876 Million miles through Space, hurtling at a velocity of 67 108 Mph on a quest to finally bring back ‘The Lost Scriptures of Stuology’. A  journey that has spanned a vast distance in an elliptical orbit around a single main sequence star, that is the heart of our Solar System.  I however, am fortunate safe in the knowledge that I did not even have to leave the comfort of my own Observation Post at STU H.Q, here on The Planet Earth to achieve such an amazing feat.

I have witnessed during my travels the beauty of  The Andromeda Galaxy, our closest Galactic neighbour that lies Approximately 2.5 Billion Light Years away, and The M81 Galaxy in Ursa Major (a.k.a. Big Dipper, or The Plough). I have also had the pleasure of being mesmerised by such galactic phenomenon such as The Crab Nebula in The Constellation of Taurus, The Ring Nebula in Lyra, in the constellation that is home to bright white star Vega that is 25.3 light years away, and now known to have exo-planets in its gravitational orbit. The greatest sight to behold any Astronomer, is surely the astounding elegance of the Planet Saturn with its glorious majestic rings system, it never fails to blow me away.

However, whilst seeing with my own eyes the light from distant  galaxies, with their photons traversing  millions if not billions of light years to finally settle in the retina of ‘my’ eyes is an astounding  realisation  not to mention, the most beautiful sights our very own Milky Way Spiral Galaxy has to offer. Mankind has developed to successfully be able to comprehend aswell as becoming, one of the vast array of components that makes up the very fabric of the Universe. The evolution of the Human Race, combined with the amount of knowledge we know about the Science and its Laws of Physics  that govern our entire reality, should make each and every man and woman that has ever walked the Earth,  extremely privileged to have been given the gift of life.  The intelligence formed through around 200000 years of evolution,  makes us the only life form we know so far, that can understand the world, yet ponder and comprehend  the basics of The Cosmos that we are part of, and makes me realise how wonderful it is to be alive at this time in History.

However, gazing with fascination at some of the furthest reaches of  the observable  Universe, staring  deep into the distant past, across many millions of Light Years, Dark Days have  managed to take a hold of me,  and will not relinquish its menacing tight grip. Immersed in its gloom that envelops me, its grasps me like a constant invisible cloud of deep, deep darkness… That is until the Astronomer’s long awaited return, to rightfully reclaim The Lost  Scriptures of Stuology, and banish his dark nemesis once and for all…Hopefully.

To Be Continued….

The Astronomer and The Lost Scriptures of Stuology. (Part Two) to follow and explain all…

Watch This Space..and more importantly the one that hangs above our heads in night sky.

In Memory of Sir Patrick Moore R.I.P

The Perilous Adventures of a Comedy Kamikaze Pilot

Three weeks is a long time in the life of a comedy kamikaze pilot, as I ready up for the next long awaited mission. On a wing and a prayer I’m attempting even more death defying corkscrews and loop the loops onto the U.K comedy circuit without smashing into ground and bursting into a huge ball of flames.

Life on Planet Stu has been almost too perpelexing for words in the last few weeks, hence the following hopefully makes sense, if any at all. I’ve been busy painstakingly trying to reassembling my Jigsaw puzzle brain back together, though several pieces are missing, but they will turn up eventually when I start rooting down the sofa for cash or the TV remote for that ten minute midnight freeview.

Scandal here in Blighty meanwhile is rocking England like a Luftwaffe raid, as further revelations in the phone hacking story continue on a daily basis. The trials and tribulations of Rupert Murdoch and his empire has not only bugged everybody, but has mirrored another crumbling empire here back at STU H.Q. Whilst that media mogul was under the intense pressure of an ad-hoc cream pie of shaving foam being  dropped rather than launched a his wrinkly old mush, he was able to sit  in the comfort that his trophy wife would wrap her Gucci handbag round any more would be pranksters head, as he humbly imagined his 53,000 employees with his ‘Cash Rake’  brushing up piles of money like leaves on a Autumn day.

Meanwhile in the real world (loosely speaking) wrong uns’ like me  have been going mental with a fund consisting of literally pennies, torquing myself to sleep as I screw my head back on after yet another momentary wobble. In a self imposed exile, other flawed mavericks such as  Batman would even find it tough to cope  (We used to share our problems when I’d call him on the Bat-phone, but the bastard always hangs up).

Thankfully my hair-brain ‘Stuology theory’ of humour and laughing in he face of adversity has helped last month after yet another epic crisis.  I normally keep things private myself, but it will explain how ‘Stuology’ somehow helps with anxiety and depression by a thirst for knowledge , the ability to put on a comedy spin on things, and why I’m also a bit of an oddball.

I haven’t got round to starting writing my blogs on Aliens and UFO’s, Cosmology and especially been able to get my Theory of Anti-Gravity off the ground, as the only writing since the last blog is writing  jokes. Whilst reconfiguring from a bout of ‘being miserable’ I have been combating it with writing jokes, studying and playing video games of Desert Strike, ToeJam and Earl and Afterburner on my Sega Megadrive emulator.

Crisis set in, after two fantastic years as a single Dad, my two daughters must have seen sense and ‘Vamooshed’ off to live with their Mum. The house just isn’t he same without them. My girls are out of this world …Though they aren’t like E.T as they never lifted a finger. I told them that one day we’d wake up to the house full of soldiers from the army… as it was always a mess. Teatime at 6pm isn’t the same without the three of us sat watching The Simpsons while eating Pot Noodles(Sometimes we’d even have one each). On top of that bombshell the hamster snuffed it within a week of being my only source of amusement (not like the  Richard Gere way!) after turning the cage into a hamster allnight disco by hanging a Christmas bauble from the cage-roof. I was also only slightly into a Stuology psycho analysis of yet another species (along with Shaun Ryder the house spider) too.

The two events combined to seem like an almighty  kick in the bollocks followed up by a loud arse ripping fart in the face.

The last four weeks have been bad, sad and mad but instead of the usual coping mechanism of say drink and drugs (just for example), I have found solice in turning a bad situation into a positive one. It has took  a few weeks to sort out in my head when I wasn’t aimlessly rattling around the house and watching the skies as the only thing on my TV recently is a 3inch layer of dust.  So today is the day I decided to get back gigging, back blogging and back digging my way out of this vacuous hole I’ve been in. After performing no gigs since late March and being too busy with the kids, which was a valid but easy excuse not to face the potential social suicide of stand-up comedy, it’s time to brave it, show some balls (at ladies evenings and church fete’s only) and get out there…starting with a gig next week I’ve lined up. More brain-farts blog’s to follow as as this was a bit of a rush job, (as if you can’t tell)….

Keep smiling and watch the skies.